Have you ever thought about why we are told to swaddle our babies? Why they seem to smooth to the shhing noise? Or by being upright on your chest? 

All these things remind them of being in the womb, our heart beat, the sound of the blood in the umbilical cord, being all snug and squished as they grow inside of us. 

I've spent these past eight weeks nurturing him, providing him all the comfort he cries for, feeding on demand and surrendering myself to his needs. I'm pouring in so much effort to one tiny human sometimes I'm forgetting to show affection to the other two males in my life.  

But there is never a right or wrong in parenting, my techniques with Archer are almost opposite to the techniques I used with Charlie. Maybe that's because I know I am not having anymore children, maybe I'm trying to keep him little forever. Maybe there are some deeper underlying issues of my own. Whatever the case, don't let anyone tell you your doing it wrong. Do it however you please. 

They are only little for so long, enjoy it, embrace it and be content with however you choose to raise your child. 

If only you would feed. Occasional sucking isn't quite cutting it, my milk is overflowing and we are both being showered. It would be a perfect pumping opportunity, a chance to store some milk away. But with you using my nipple as a dummy I wouldn't dare even move an inch. 

Be milk drunk my darling, fill your little belly to its limits. Sigh and flop into my arms and fall into a deep sleep.

Use natural lighting, curtains open and use lighting to increase "daytime" if gloomy outside. 

Keep your newborn around the daily noise of your household; yes even when they are asleep! Bring the bassinet to the lounge is always a good tip. 

Each night before your newborns "last feed", for me this was around 10pm with Charlie and it's now 8pm with Archer; create a sequence of events which lead up to sleep. 

As a newborn I would do bath, tummy time, feed and bed. 

As a two year old we do dinner, bath, pack away toys, story and bed.

A normal day with Charlie begins somewhere around 7am and ends with a story then bedtime at roughly 8.30pm. A nap after lunch from say 1-2/3 pm is also included in our day. 

But... Here is where the chaos comes into play throw in a newborn who wakes your tot up during the night, which makes him sleep in. This sleep in proceeds to make his nap time run late and the. come bedtime he isn't tired. By the time he is tired its cluster feeding time ; the newborn is attatched to my breast and I don't dare put him down. 

So where and how do I find routine amongst this mess?

God only knows and I'm sure he ain't going to spill the beans and help a girl out.

Tomorrow I am going to attempt to find the natural structure of my newborn. It sounds silly I know... He cluster feeds, he feeds on demand and most of the time only sleeps when his being held. But surely there will be some form of body clock in his own little world that will structure a feed and sleep routine. 

I'm going to jot down in my journal each time I feed and each time he has an awake period; since he sleeps more than his awake, documenting when his awake will be easier! After two or three days hopefully we will see some similarities between the days and be able to try merg the two routines into one. 

Wish me luck, I don't know if this is right or wrong but I need to try something. I'm going crazy and I hate the unknown. Any tips tricks or advice please comment offend me an email! tiarne.straatman@gmail.com 

Somedays the only comfort I find is in the bottom of the shower, with hot water running over my face; no one knows I'm crying. In a dark room I feel safe, the only light is a dim glow of the heater. Somedays I'm ashamed.

My whole pregnancy I struggled to comprehend how I would share my love between two children. How I could love another, when my whole world is already in my arms. What a shock it was to find how i truly felt, when I came home from hospital and reality set in. 

After the perfect “I got this” first three days at home... Archer decided to start holding in his wind, constantly feeding for comfort and only wanting to settle for Dad because the smell of my breastmilk would keep him wanting more. During all of this I never once was frustrated with my newborn son; I had 100% patience with him. Whereas my two year old, who just wanted to be the centre of mummies world again was being yelled at... 

“Stop”

“Put that down”

“Smack?”

“Charlie please don't”

What was he doing wrong? I couldn't tell you. He was just being around his mum and his new little brother. Probably wanting to help and to have some of the attention that is now being given to someone els. 

I find that my fuse with Charlie is short. Things I use to laugh off or brush over and ignore now leads to punishment and being told off. I'm lashing out, no I'm not hurting him. I yell at him, I smack his hand more often than I should; sometimes I feel like I am learning to despise him. My own son. 

Charlie is my whole world and has been for the past two years. Immediately after I lash out at him I breakdown, the emotions I feel just consume me and tears begin to flow. He is crying, I am crying. He wipes my tears and we cuddle. I feel like he is my rock but also the hammer which smashes it to pieces.

Dear my toddler, I'm sorry about the newborn. 

The moment you walked into the hospital room will forever bring a tear to my eye. You were mesmerised and inlove. No words can come close to explaining the connection I felt between the four of us. 

Mummy's favourite words have became STOP and GENTLE; I'm sorry I know you just want to love him. 

Only last week you had me all to yourself, please remember I'm still mummy. You just need to share me now. I'm sorry that my arms sometimes can't cuddle the two of you, but my heart will never be too crowded for you.

Mummy is sorry that baby cries and sometimes I can't make him stop. Mummy is sorry that she makes you cry; I know you only want my attention but mummy is learning too. 

But guess what darling? I'm not sorry about a lot of things too. 

I'm not sorry that you now have a best friend, a play mate, and a brother. 

I'm not sorry that without you knowing this is teaching you things; independence as well as how to love and care for something. To help others and to share. 

I'm not sorry that we extended our family. I'm not sorry that we created more love. 

Love Mummy

He will love you so much and sometimes he might cuddle you too tight. He will be the roughest form of gentle anyone will have ever seen; I'm sorry. 

It doesn't seem fair that his first year of life was full of cuddles, attention and bonding time. I'm sorry darling that we will need to work out how to survive each minute.

Your nap times will have some background noise; you will quickly learn to sleep through anything. Most of the time it will just be mummy yelling at your big brother, it will soon become normal. I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry for all these things that your currently unaware of. But its what I'm not sorry about that really matters. 

I'm not sorry that you have a big brother here waiting for you. To protect you, care and defend you. He will be your first friend, your best friend. The one you can fight with yet he will always be right there behind you. Ready to catch you when you fall; and laugh as he lifts you back up. 

That I'm not sorry about, one day you will thank me. 

Love From Mummy. 

I had a midwife appointment at 33 weeks, where I finally got the chance to meet my student follow through midwife Gabi. She is fabulous, we chat via text all the time but meeting her and having her feel my stomach and do my obs made it feel more real. Having my OB and main midwife say they may not be at my birth was daunting but knowing Gabi will be there 100% has boosted my confidence! 

I'll be getting more bloods done tomorrow to see if my iron levels have increased into a safer level. I've still been taking the moltfer so fingers crossed!

I made the choice to begin taking Evening Primrose Oil capsules orally, twice a day at 33 weeks; I'll continue this until birth. Babe has been moving so much, it gets so uncomfortable! Something that does help is a long walk, followed by a bath and a hot cup of Raspberry Leaf Tea. Total relaxation. 

This past week I have been feeling extreme amounts of pressure all through my pelvis bum and thighs, it comes and goes in waves. Hopefully this is a sign of him moving down and engaging! 

"Will I ever love my second child as much as my first?"

"How can this new baby even compete with the strength of the bond with my toddler?"

"Am I a bad person for feeling this way?"

"What if I don't get any one on one time with my first born?"

These are all questions running through my head... Of course I know I will fall instantly In love with the bundle of life inside of me, the moment he looks into my eyes, that first cry and gasp of air. I just don't know if I'm ready to fall in love like that all over again? I know my heart will break if Charlie feels replaced, pushed aside or second best. His been my one and only for almost two years now. His whole life it's just been my attention solely focused on him. 

With saying all of this, seeing Charlie's eyes light up with delight when we are in the nursery, whilst his kissing my belly and asking for the baby, makes my heart melt. It gives me hope. Maybe it will be okay? Maybe he will also fall in love and slip into his role of big brother. Shane and I will both be learning all over again, but so will Charlie. He will be learning how to share, no not his toys, his mum and dad. 

Wish me luck,

Mummy Blogger.

Last months favourites blog was late and this months is early? Motherhood right... You can never be perfect. Speaking of perfection, I have heard a lot about this secret group of mothers and woman on Instagram, mummy mafia ect. I have never witnessed it myself but it sounds awful. Grown adults, mothers, roll models bullying?! Seriously. It's pathetic. You can use social media to stream the perfect lifestyle, posed pictures, designer clothes and decor. But you know what? The people who feel the need to hide the reality from their social media are the ones who are insecure. I love posing Charlie and dressing him up but I've still got a fucking grip on reality. I'll post the 500 bad photos before posting the one half good one I got. 

I don't appreciate falling into the category of mummy bloggers who do it to get free shit, to be Insta Famous and whatever other crap you want to throw around. 

I write this blog to share my knowledge and experiences, to hopefully help at least one person, to show them they are not alone. 

For myself this month I have been reaching out for support. I have gotten involved in a bead swap on one of my favourite pages the Vbac Australia support group page on Facebook. I highly reccomended this group! They also have a lot of sister groups including the Vbac Victoria support group who I have also joined for info on hospitals and care providers. I find the woman uplifting and super encouraging. 

For our little mini we have purchased a wardrobe and sets of drawers, I have sorted through all Charlie's clothing and kept the handy items! *see previous blog post for newborn essentials* I have purchased accordingly and stocking up on bits and pieces which I think are important. Such as zip up onsies and button up under the nappy singlets.

My absolute favourite thing about Charlie this month is he is now acknowledging when he is doing a poo or wee. He comes and tells me once his finished, does anyone know how I can get him to tell me before he goes? Is this a good toilet training sign? 

I wrote a newborn must haves a few months back which you can find at this link http://yourmummyblogger.blogspot.com/2015/02/new-mum-must-haves-things-no-one-tells.html 

Grow suits is what i think the technical name is called. Those singlet, tshirt and long sleeved things that button up underneath the nappy. You can put them under anything and it doesn't ride up their back. No more constant tucking in! 

Sadly they only go up to size one from what I can find, if they went larger I would continue sticking up for Charlie.

Onesies - this time around I have opted for zip up onesies. Nothing worse than struggling with a wriggley newborn at 3am whilst your changing nappies. 

I have thrown out all Charlie's cute clothes in 0000s there is just no way I am putting a newborn in anything other than a onesie this time around. It's a rookie mistake and they look so uncomfortable in proper clothes at that age. 

Kmart coral fleece blanket for only $5 how can you resist. Perfect size to wrap a newborn, use in the pram, car seat or bassinet as well as being great to carry around to throw down to change bub on. 

We have had giveaways, some amazing gift guides, loops, blog features and the mummy blogger makes segment appear! Monthly flatlays, daily and sometimes weekly blog updates. Frequent IG postings 😂 let's face it that's where I'm most active. But we are also on Facebook too. I also contemplated a vlogging channel on YouTube! That idea came and went but if your interested let me know te idea may rekindle this year coming. 

This coming yet will be full of new adventures, I'm going to be a new mum all over again! So I will be posting all things newborn as well as all things terrible twos and toddler! 

Charlie will be toilet training! This will be a huge milestone so stay tuned for that. 

I'm excited to be targeting the new mum audience again, you can be so fragile broken and complete all at once. I can't wait to share that with you all once more. 

Thanks again and chat soon xx

Of course everyone is different, everyone's bodies are different! So these changes I experienced may or may not happen to you. 

Surprisingly enough this was my first sign of pregnancy! Giggle if you wish, it is sort of funny. My periods ALWAYS came as they pleased so the fact it didn't say hello one month didn't concern me. What did concern me was itch nipples, it drove me insane! I ended up phoning my trusty pal google. He told me I either had breast cancer or I was pregnant.... 

I gloated to everyone bout how I was 36 weeks and no stretch marks! Little did I know... Over night I would magically triple in size and wake up with stretch marks all over my back, my stomach, my thighs and even my arms! 

Once you give birth and your milk comes in it starts. You will leak through breast pads, through your bra, all over your clothes. Rotten breast milk becomes your perfume. 

That one part of my tummy that I can't seem to tighten! Hello lose skin and tiger stripes. 

You give birth to this precious little life that consumes your whole world. That beautiful little face that you could stare at all day and probably feel like screaming at during early hours of the morning. Both you and your partner as first time parents will have no idea what you are doing. No amount of parenting classes, books or my lovely blogs can even give you the slightest bit of reality. 

One day your giving your partner and the love of your life every ounce of your attention. The next day your struggling to have a conversation on a topic other than  what baby's poo is like or how many times he's vomited today. I'm not going to lie and say that part fades away, because dispise my partners disgust "poo talk" happens all the time even 10 months later! But the attention juggling act between quality partner time and baby time does level out. You will reach a point where you can stay up on your own with your lover when baby is asleep, rather then racing to bed to get every wink of sleep possible. And if your having any doubts about your physical or psychological relationship it will all soon level back out and return to "normal". Except that you will have a little person who will always come first, before the wants and needs of your own. 

But somehow you will happily let them takeover your world and you will love every painful and joyful minute of it! 

My lowest point of parenting would have to be when Charlie was about 3 weeks old. I was still a very new mum who had no idea why my baby would cry and cry. He probably just wanted to be close to his mum? But I was sleep deprived, I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was struggling to find the balance of being a mum, a fiancé, and a friend. 

It was 3am, a time when I was always asleep. But now it was a time to wake up and feed this little person who solely relied on me. I changed him and began to breastfeed. Instead of waking him after he finished feeding off one side and swapping him I gently placed him in his bassinet. He was asleep maybe 5 minutes and he started screaming, why did I do? Instead of feeding my baby who was still hungry I got frustrated because he wouldn't go to sleep with his dummy or being rocked. I began to cry, I looked at him and said what do you want from me. 

My poor little baby just wanted his mummy and was hungry. I was too sleep deprived and exhausted to realise what I was doing wrong.

Nothing can prepare you for how sleep deprived you will be. Nothing can prepare you for the constant attention and stimulation your baby will need. 

It's been the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. 

I wouldn't change having my son for the world, but do I think I was ready to become a mother? No way. In all honesty I don't think you could ever be ready. 

I expected to have this cute little baby who I could dress up in so many cute clothes.

Onsies are so SO much more comfy for a newborn! Even now when Charlie is almost 10 months old, I still throw on a onsie to keep him all tucked in and warm if we are at home. 

When we decided to begin controlled crying it was difficult to let people watch Charlie because we needed to continue our methods for them to be effective. One time of someone cuddling him to sleep would ruin all our work and progress. The grandparents and greatgrandparents of Charlie didn't really agree with our methods at all, it was difficult for me to stand up for myself and say stop. But Shane was able to talk to them and get them to understand and respect our wishes.

Don't feel as though your parenting techniques are wrong just because they may differ to other peoples. Your doing a great job! (: 

The moment you had been waiting for the past 9 months is here. The nursery, the bassinet, the pram it's all there and ready to be used (: 

We had Charlie's bassinet set up in our bedroom on my side of the bed. It was close and easy for me for those night time feeds. We also had the change table in the hall way outside our bedroom, the light was dimmer so it didn't wake him as much. 

Those first 4 weeks are such a blur, I was recovering from a cesarean and both Shane and I were severely sleep deprived. 

It was lots of trial and error in the first 4 weeks. Week 5 we were at our last resort the cot, and guess what?! He slept like an angle. He still woke for those night feeds but I actually was able to sleep for atleast a 3 hour block (:    

At 2am Friday morning I was 41 + 1 weeks into my pregnancy so a whole week over due! I woke up with bad pains wrapping around from my back to no belly. By 3am I couldn't sleep through them anymore, being a first time mum I rang the hospital and they told me if I thought I was okay to call back in the morning. Well I had no idea what okay was but I stayed home. In and out of the bath, shower and bed. By the morning I went into hospital at 7am and I was only 2cms dilated! 😭 I went home and spent the whole day untill 6pm that night doing anything I could to distract myself from these contractions. They were strong and  regular 5 minutes apart lasting about 50 seconds. When I got back to hospital I was 5 cms and in active labour, I asked for the gas which I sucked on. I also tried rocking on the ball and jumped in the shower a few times. The next day or two is a blur! All I can say is I didn't sleep for almost 48 hours.... Let's skip to Saturday afternoon shall we, it was 3pm and I was still only 7-8 cms. My labour was very prolonged. It was horrible and dragged on and on. My waters did not break, Charlie had came down so far that they were trapped behind him and leaked only as he moved. So there was no gush to bring him down further. They also realised at this point that Charlie was face up instead of face down, which would make it quite difficult to deliver unless he turned. 

At 3.20 I felt like giving up, I signed a constent form for a cesarean! The one thing I said I never wanted to do. I saw a heap of doctors and was dressed and wheel down to theater. My partner was Ina waiting room whilst I was meant to be getting a spinal block. Then... I said stop! Something had changed and I knew I had to push, then and their in the operating theater. They checked me again and I was 10cms! Wow I know woo go me (: they rushed my partner in and told me to push! I pushed for 30mins but Charlie wouldn't turn. So they attempted a vacuum extraction, he would not turn and he would not fit through my pelvis. All of a sudden they called emergency cesarean and everyone rushed around and my partner was taken from the room.

They sat me up and I had the needle in my spine, when I laid down my partner was by my side. It all happened so quickly. I could feel the pulling and tugging but no pain! Such a strange feeling, like rummaging around in a handbag as such! 

Before I knew it they were holding up a grey slimy baby and I heard that first gasp of breath and then the screams of life. All I could say was "that's my baby" he was beautiful, I fell instantly inlove!