Your child's first loss

Childcare
Today began as a normal Wednesday morning. Waking up to my usual alarm clock of Charlie yelling mummy mummy, finding archer asleep in my arms and not remembering how he got there and milk... milk drenching my pjs. 

But as we drove to daycare, little did I know I was lying to my son. Charlie always asks to go see (let's call them B1 and B2 for privacy reasons) they are the only educators he will willingly run off and play with. He trusts them, as do I. Today we were told they won't be returning. As I said goodbye to Charlie and tried to wipe his tears and explain that (let's call this one B3) will now be playing with him, my heart broke a little inside.

A mixture of emotions ran through my mind; stress, sadness, anxiety, loss and frustration. I felt like we had come so far, he was finally settled, finally enjoying his one day a week with B1 and B2. Now we need to start again. 

The first people Charlie has bonded and stayed with outside of our family, are no longer in his life. 
Shane thinks I'm being dramatic, and I can see how... It just hurts to see him so lost and confused. 


GUILT

Childcare
This morning I was reading a post about a mother sending her child to daycare for the first time; she felt guilty. I felt these same things when Charlie began daycare. You keep busy, doing all the things you wish you had time to do normally. Then once they are done, instead of having some you time and doing something you enjoy, you sit there like a lost puppy, trying to think about what you've forgotten to do. 

It's ironic isn't it, that when you have some time to yourself - child free - instead of drinking lattés and eating croissants, your cleaning and slaving away because you feel guilty that your not looking after your own child. 

Well I'll be honest with you now, that guilt disappears. You end up loving daycare more than the child does, and believe me Charlie LOVES it. He wakes up on a Monday morning asking to see the kids, mind you daycare isn't until Wednesday. Now before you start saying bad mum shoving her kid off to daycare. Charlie's speech and social skills have sky rocketed over the past few months. Independence and confidence are two qualities which are shining bright and I'm as proud as ever. 

But as I was saying, that guilt goes out the window, you do a quick tidy up and the plop down on the couch. You watch a few episodes or even a season of your go to tv show and drink those lattés you know you deserve. 


6 weeks old | an Archer Update

Breastfeeding

Yes you read right, my baby is 6 weeks old tomorrow. Whilst time has flown by, it also feels like archer has been apart of our family for a lifetime. We are so complete, our hearts are full and we are all content with our family of four. 
Our amazing newest member of the family has been sick the past week you may have read in my milk drunk blog post a few days back, our poor little honey. His so helpless and innocent, it's breaking my heart. 

Archer is fairly unsettled and sleeps only for short amounts during the day, his wind irritates him and he gets quite colicky. But, lucky for me, night time his perfect. Last night he went to sleep after a feed at 9pm and woke at 4am, back to sleep and up at 9.30am! Now that's something special! On a normal night he still isn't something to complain about, waking normally at roughly 2 am and 6 am for a feed and a nappy change. 

His beginning to goo and gah and some may say smile, yet I'm not convinced the windy smiles are becoming real just this soon. His growing up and his beautiful.

2 year old routine update

Parenting
You might have noticed I don't update Charlie's routine as much as I use to. I have found as he has gotten older things settle and stay more structured. His still having a nap each day, three meals and some snacks. It's really not very interesting; but still your intrigued? Why is the public so interested in getting a glimpse of the inside of my home, the boring day to day life of a toddler. But the readers are always right, right? So here you go! 

7am rise and shine - breakfast (weetbix or toast)

10am morning tea (yoghurt or fruit)

12.30pm lunch 

1.30pm sleep
Wake up at 3pm if not already awake

3.30pm afternoon tea (crackers, cheese, dried fruit)

6.00pm dinner

7.30pm bath or shower 

8.00pm story time then bed



Is your newborn a night owl ?

Newborn
Sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture and if your trying to limit your caffeine intake like me, it's even harder. Having a newborn who sleeps all day and is awake all night is common. Remember back to pregnancy where they would sleep all day with the motion of your movement, then begin to be active as you lay down to rest at night. 
Charlie was one of these newborns; but with what I learnt from him I was able to maintain a perfect day and night body clock for Archer. 

Use natural lighting, curtains open and use lighting to increase "daytime" if gloomy outside. 

Keep your newborn around the daily noise of your household; yes even when they are asleep! Bring the bassinet to the lounge is always a good tip. 

Each night before your newborns "last feed", for me this was around 10pm with Charlie and it's now 8pm with Archer; create a sequence of events which lead up to sleep. 
Charlie's example:
As a newborn I would do bath, tummy time, feed and bed. 
As a two year old we do dinner, bath, pack away toys, story and bed.
Archers example:
Archer has to fit into Charlie's routine so it's more touch and go. I'm actually not even going to give an example... I bath him when I bath Charlie and depending on whether Shane is home at night he may or may not come along to story time with Charlie and assist me in putting him to bed. Following that he feeds; which looks a little something like this. 

Let's face it, we will do whatever we need to do to make life that little bit easier, to get that extra five minutes of sleep. These steps might not work for you, but they did help me; not every night but if your anything like me if something even works once it's worth holding onto. 

Where is my baby

Birthday
I owe a lot to you my darling. You gave me direction, you shaped me as a person and smoothed those jaggered edges which I was fighting to keep. My lifestyle became healthier and my world began to revolve around you. To you I am thankful. 

But where have you gone? Where is my baby? I now have this little boy standing infront of me. His dark brown eyes smile as his mind ticks; always thinking. He will turn two years old on Tuesday. A bright, happy, cheeky toddler. 

You have achieved so many things in the past two years. Recently I have watched you become a big brother, the love and affection you show your baby brother is something els. The worry in your eyes when he cries tells me I don't need to worry; you'll protect him.

Charlie my darling you push me to my limits most days and 80% of the time I snap, the other 20% we giggle at your naughtiness. I wish we could giggle more often, your only small for such a short time. Over the next 12 months I promise to try more. Try to work with you rather than against you, laugh at your cheekiness and only get grumpy when it's really necessary. 

Happy birthday my beautiful little man, you make me proud each and every day. I love you.

If I can't hear you mummy I can't get into trouble...

Motherhood Milestones

Life

Currently I'm striving to survive each day; wake up, feed children, change nappies, sleep, bath and repeat. Notice how we don't even worry about getting dressed? That's optional, okay to be honest bathing the children is also a “in the moment” decision. 
I keep telling myself it won't always be this way. As we grow and learn together we will be able to achieve more things in our day. I as a mother will reach milestones, motherhood milestones; things only other mothers will understand. 
Someday soon I might be able to brush my hair. Or have a shower without jumping out 3 times to check on a baby who like always is still sleeping peacefully. A day without yelling at my two year old? Wouldn't that be bliss. Being able to drink coffee whilst it's hot and finishing a meal before it goes cold. Eventually I'll leave the house without smelling like breastmilk and maybe one day even do my makeup. 
These are all milestones I want to have a crack at and believe me one day I'll succeed!

What's the motherhood milestone you want to achieve? 


Juggling my postpartum hormones

depression
Somedays the only comfort I find is in the bottom of the shower, with hot water running over my face; no one knows I'm crying. In a dark room I feel safe, the only light is a dim glow of the heater. Somedays I'm ashamed.

My whole pregnancy I struggled to comprehend how I would share my love between two children. How I could love another, when my whole world is already in my arms. What a shock it was to find how i truly felt, when I came home from hospital and reality set in. 
After the perfect “I got this” first three days at home... Archer decided to start holding in his wind, constantly feeding for comfort and only wanting to settle for Dad because the smell of my breastmilk would keep him wanting more. During all of this I never once was frustrated with my newborn son; I had 100% patience with him. Whereas my two year old, who just wanted to be the centre of mummies world again was being yelled at... 
“Stop”
“Put that down”
“Smack?”
“Charlie please don't”
What was he doing wrong? I couldn't tell you. He was just being around his mum and his new little brother. Probably wanting to help and to have some of the attention that is now being given to someone els. 
I find that my fuse with Charlie is short. Things I use to laugh off or brush over and ignore now leads to punishment and being told off. I'm lashing out, no I'm not hurting him. I yell at him, I smack his hand more often than I should; sometimes I feel like I am learning to despise him. My own son. 

Charlie is my whole world and has been for the past two years. Immediately after I lash out at him I breakdown, the emotions I feel just consume me and tears begin to flow. He is crying, I am crying. He wipes my tears and we cuddle. I feel like he is my rock but also the hammer which smashes it to pieces.



I love both my boys more than life itself. Please don't think I don't. This post isn't about how I don't love my son anymore. It's about the darker side of parenting, how I feel ashamed of my thoughts. Expressing these feelings with you all is hard for me to do, but if you can relate to me, I want you to know your not alone. 

February Favourites

February
January lasted approximately 4 days and well February I blinked through. It's now March, I'm counting down the days; no not the weeks, the days until Baby Mac arrives. Whilst also thinking about Easter and planning Charlie's second birthday. 
Did you know this month for a short period of time I'll have two children under two years old ! Sounds crazy right.

During this past month I launched my YouTube channel and began vlogging. It's been so much fun! I would love for you all to subscribe and let me know what you think. https://youtu.be/zaBZtLUuVao
I've been spending my time on all fours crawling around with Charlie to make sure my pelvis opens and babe engages in the correct position. When I'm not crawling around on the ground I'm sitting on my exercise ball, sipping on Ice Tea. I can't bring myself to drink hot tea on these 30-40 degree days; so I make an iced version of Red Raspberry Leaf tea. 

Baby Mac has had a huge favourite this month. Mini Cadbury solid Easter eggs! I can't get enough... 

Charlie? Well he will no longer eat apples if you cut them. They need to be whole; my baby is growing up. 
He has also began swimming lessons and really settled into daycare, he just loves the kids! 


Milkbar Breastpumps | the interview

Breastpumps
Recently I have had the pleasure of working with Diana and Zara from Milkbar Breastpumps. I asked Diana to tell me a little bit about her philosophy and motivation behind the successful brand; here is what she had to say. 

“Milkbar Breastpumps is a place for mums to shop, discuss, explore and share the joys and difficulties we experience as mothers. I wanted to create and provide a positive and supportive community for all mothers and their feeding choices, whether you choose to exclusively breastfeed, express, bottle feed, mixed feed or formula feed.
I exclusively breastfed my son for 8 months, pumping twice daily once I returned to work. I have also mixed fed with formula feeds and cow’s milk since my son turned 12 months of age. Aside from learning correct attachment in those early weeks, I have been lucky that breastfeeding came quite easily (although I was shocked with how time consuming it was). My biggest breastfeeding challenge was pumping when I returned to work. Choosing the right pump, how much to express, how often, and scheduling my pumping sessions between work and childcare illness were the issues I faced.
Milkbar offers an online shopping experience that allows mums to research products, read reviews, hear stories from other mums and purchase any necessities all from the one place in the comfort of their home. 
Milkbar Breastpumps was launched in late 2015 and we are gearing up for a massive 2016! We will have more brands to choose from and new updates to our website will make it even easier to compare breast pumps. Plus, our breastfeeding resources is growing every week!”

Zara is the writer behind MilkBar Breastpumps blog. As a secondary school teacher for 8 years prior to having her daughter, her career had become a huge part of her identity. 
“I didn’t realise how much my social network, home life and focus was on my job until I had to change my priorities once my little girl was born.” Zara said during our interview. She described the transition of career focused woman to stay at home single mother as pure joy yet absolute terror.
Zara battled with isolation and loosing her sense of independence in the early days of becoming a mother; which I'm sure we can all relate to, your whole world has just been turned upside down! What she didn't realise herself was that she was also dealing with a little bundle of joy who had severe sleep issues.
I asked Zara what her biggest piece of advice would be for mothers of children with sleep issues.
“I think my biggest tip would be to not be afraid to ask for help.  I was pretty hard on myself for not being able to cope and I felt like I was just complaining – babies don’t sleep, everyone else copes, why can’t you?  Plus, you often get told by very caring and well-meaning friends, family, acquaintances and random shop assistants that, “you just need to…”  You can’t ‘just’ do anything when you’re that sleep deprived.  The biggest revelation for me was when I asked my mum, “What did you do when my brother and I woke up this often?”  She just looked at me and said, “You didn’t do this.” I finally realised that I needed help and support and that it was ok to not be coping.  Everyone’s experiences are different, if you’re struggling – say so.  If you need help – it’s ok to ask for it.”
Zara has breastfed her daughter since she was born; she is currently 13 months  old! YOU GO MUMMA. Even though she explained it was not entirely by choice as her little girl refuses a bottle. She is now trading some breast feeds up for expressed milk into a sippy cup; this is helping to begin the weaning process for them both. 
Personally I tried to express with Charlie but had no luck with the manual breastpump I was using. I have since purchased an electric pump via Milkbar Breastpumps; I'm so excited to combine pumping into my feeding routine. As I had no idea about expressing I asked Zara how she manages to include pumping into her routine. 
“I initially had a lot of difficulty expressing and after the little one refused the bottle, there didn’t seem to be much point.  But more recently I’ve been using the Unimom Forte# Hospital Grade Double Electric breast pump and I’ve been really pleased that I persevered and gave it a try.  A lot of women express in the morning, but I found it easier to pump in the afternoon during her nap.  It was the longest break between breastfeeds and so gave my supply a chance to regroup after her lunch feed and before her dinner feed. It took about a week of regularly pumping at that time and then my body just started producing more milk and I was able to get a good amount of breastmilk from each pumping session.  Plus I’d listen to an audiobook or podcast so it was a nice way to make myself slow down and sit still for a little while each day.”
I found Zara so helpful; not only with products related to MilkBar Breastpumps but in general parenting experiences and advice. I highly recommend heading over to http://milkbarbreastpumps.com.au/ and reading her blog.



I still do have a toddler...

juggling
With a growing bump, fortnightly updates, blood tests galore, iron supplements, herbal teas, and all this other new and interesting things I've been chatting about I want to remind you I still have a toddler. 

I am still that original mumma, I am struggling with his terrible twos (mind you his  22months) , two year old molars and wondering where his hiding all this food he is apparently eating? Seriously a two year old is eating me out of house and home... 

His cheeky, naughty, innocent and comforting. Sometimes I ask myself whether I should laugh or cry? His frustrating, energetic and smart. 

I don't want my mumma community of toddlers thinking they can't relate to me anymore. I'm still here, so is Charlie! I've decided to do a post about toddlers "something Charlie related" atleast once a fourtnight. On the opposite week of my pregnancy updates (: 

My first blog will be all about food, snacks, and how I'm trying to give him some choice in what he wants to eat. 
I have a snack draw in the fridge as well as a basket in the cupboard. 
Remember those little tubs I told you about in last months favourites? They are still a staple item! 

Even his lunches and dinners have been more about choice, here is a sneak peak into what next weeks blog will be about! 

Tiarne Straatman, 
Mummy Blogger 

Lazy Parenting or Honest Parenting ?

honest
I'm going to let you guys be the judge today. This morning I got up after an awful night with Charlie, I made coffee and gave him breakfast. I expected to get NOTHING done today, I was exhausted. Not that I generally do anything other than potter around tidying before 12 on any  other day anyway haha. Lazy or Honest? 

I see those super mums or mothers who only show social media the "perfect side" of their lives. All house work done, before 9am! Lunch and dinner prepped and baking hubby and babe some healthy treat. I just normally giggle to myself because yeah it's great to get things do e and be organised but in my life my child is screaming at my legs after 2 minutes of not paying him attention.

But for some reason after breakfast and coffee this morning I had this burst of energy. I'm seriously blaming pregnancy hormones because it is so unlike me! 
It's now 1pm, I have done my housework, swept, vacuumed and mopped the floors. Actually went I the effort of making sausage tolls and mini quiches for lunch. Fed the child lunch and managed to get him down for a nap?! All by 1pm. Now you perfect mums will be thinking what's so great about that... But whether I'm Lazy or just Honest about my parenting this is a huge achievement! Even though now I'm laying on the floor infront of the fire blogging. Instead of cleaning up after lunch, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

So whether your a super mum or a little lazy and honest like me, just do what makes you happy. Do what ever it takes. 99% of my days are spent following around my toddler picking things up after him and it not even looking like I've gotten up off the couch. But it's okay.



If your interested in these super easy child friendly recipes just let me know and I'll include them in my mummy blogger makes section! 

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