Your child's first loss

Childcare
Today began as a normal Wednesday morning. Waking up to my usual alarm clock of Charlie yelling mummy mummy, finding archer asleep in my arms and not remembering how he got there and milk... milk drenching my pjs. 

But as we drove to daycare, little did I know I was lying to my son. Charlie always asks to go see (let's call them B1 and B2 for privacy reasons) they are the only educators he will willingly run off and play with. He trusts them, as do I. Today we were told they won't be returning. As I said goodbye to Charlie and tried to wipe his tears and explain that (let's call this one B3) will now be playing with him, my heart broke a little inside.

A mixture of emotions ran through my mind; stress, sadness, anxiety, loss and frustration. I felt like we had come so far, he was finally settled, finally enjoying his one day a week with B1 and B2. Now we need to start again. 

The first people Charlie has bonded and stayed with outside of our family, are no longer in his life. 
Shane thinks I'm being dramatic, and I can see how... It just hurts to see him so lost and confused. 


GUILT

Childcare
This morning I was reading a post about a mother sending her child to daycare for the first time; she felt guilty. I felt these same things when Charlie began daycare. You keep busy, doing all the things you wish you had time to do normally. Then once they are done, instead of having some you time and doing something you enjoy, you sit there like a lost puppy, trying to think about what you've forgotten to do. 

It's ironic isn't it, that when you have some time to yourself - child free - instead of drinking lattés and eating croissants, your cleaning and slaving away because you feel guilty that your not looking after your own child. 

Well I'll be honest with you now, that guilt disappears. You end up loving daycare more than the child does, and believe me Charlie LOVES it. He wakes up on a Monday morning asking to see the kids, mind you daycare isn't until Wednesday. Now before you start saying bad mum shoving her kid off to daycare. Charlie's speech and social skills have sky rocketed over the past few months. Independence and confidence are two qualities which are shining bright and I'm as proud as ever. 

But as I was saying, that guilt goes out the window, you do a quick tidy up and the plop down on the couch. You watch a few episodes or even a season of your go to tv show and drink those lattés you know you deserve. 


Popular Posts